Blog posts by Ken
BLOG 16.Don't think of yourself as old. (Other than taking prudent precautions)
This suggests advice to old people only, but bear with me.
Before further comment on the above, what have I learnt so far about writing this Blog?
1. What a cunning plot by my family to keep me busy!
2. Well, I suppose it's working. Beats housework! (Yep! I know it is very important, so, as a rule...Monday , wash day etc.,etc.!)
3. I like to think that, as a regular "task", it helps to keep the "old" brainbox active.
4. You might dispute this one, but some of my "wisdom" might help someone else!
Any way as spring begins, I am not alone, I'm sure, in pursuing the odd "project"...playing my part in our community garden ,(looks better this year! possible new furniture, "decluttering", and so on.
Speaking of decluttering, I'm "electrifying "my garage door. Exposing the chaos to the tradies generated some MORE decluttering. In the process I discovered some evidence of my early days with The "Wednesday Painting Group". I had lost some paintings in a garage flood. You guessed it, some survived! A dozen or more! All at least ten years old. I like to think some of my technique has improved since then, which seems to be the case, so hopefully more to come, and I will do my best to NOT THINK OF MYSELF AS OLD! Another challenge!
Back to the topic. Don't think of yourself as old. " To keep this in perspective, I recently heard a fifty plus year old say, "I don't and won't think of myself as old!" GOOD!
Levitin refers to "Health span, rather than life span," suggesting on evidence, that a longer life span usually means a longer health span. I'm amazed to be still here! More about this topic in the next edition.
K.
Blog 15: See your doctor regularly, but not obsessively!
I guess most of my "audience" is much younger than me so I will try to share my research and "wisdom" with you all. In fact, I do find that that the more I read and contemplate "Ageing" the more useful and relevant it seems to us all. Youth may be a period of "development" but apparently how well we "age " begins very early and continues into old age.
OK, back to today's Agenda!
I think I began seeing my doctor more regularly around middle age.... At age fifty I "discovered" that my cholesterol level was well above normal. After trying several "alternative" methods to reduce it, ''Dad, why is your face so red?".(magic potion).. I finally sought medical help. Following several weeks of a strict diet regime, "ordered" by my G.P. he concluded that it was probably hereditary. Result.. more care with diet and exercise, plus daily doses of "Statins"(Lipitor) have worked. Regular, but not obsessive visits ever since! Enough boring , but important stuff!
Perhaps a dash more!...I surprised myself when my darling wife passed away, by accepting an offer of counselling via my G.P...Twelve sessions over twelve months. Three were so helpful that the counsellor agreed it was "enough" for now, with the option of further if needed. So far, so good! No more needed at this stage, but I would not hesitate if the need arose.
Keep your social circle exciting and new!
Yet another challenge in these COVID 19 times! "More people are living alone, and ageing alone, than ever. Government research in the UK found that two hundred thousand older adults had not had a conversation with a friend or relative in more than a month. Much debate these days about just how fulfilling are Facebook and other social networks , compared to actual human contact. Apparently, getting "likes'' can produce an addictive dose of DOPAMINE , a short term good thing, and we can have many "Friends" on Facebook etc., but they are rarely fulfilling . Daniel Levitin, the Author of "The Changing Mind" says, "No convincing studies have been published on this yet, but I'm willing to bet that interactions in cyberspace do not trigger the release of oxytocin, prolactin, and endorphins the way that real, actual human contact does." Apologies for medical "terms", but he is a neuroscientist!
In conclusion, I have almost finished reading "KOKODA" By Peter Fitzsimons. " a masterful account of this iconic campaign that will ensure all Australians can understand what a small band of Australian troops achieved high in the New Guinea jungle....of the conditions and adversities suffered and overcome."... rather places our current Corona 19 challenge in perspective! Stay safe and follow the rules everyone. The "victory" depends on us all.
K.
Blog 14: Spend time with people younger than you.
More words of "wisdom" for "seniors". Read it as well, you "youngsters!"
Now there's an easy one for me. Obviously, most of the population is younger than me! To begin with, my "blended" family, and friends are fabulous sources of support and time together. Also, I'm probably the oldest in my Art Group, certainly the oldest in our nineteen town houses complex! My circle of close long term friends is shrinking, so My Philosophy is, "Spend time with PEOPLE"!(Hard as it is in the current Covid 19 climate!) and I guess I'm a little spoilt for choice!
Close to Home,
1. Last year one small fabulous group in our complex (all younger than me) began a no dig, above ground garden, plus daffodils along the fence line.(Hope to expand the group this year!) It is now being cleared and replanted, based on last year's successes and failures! ( e.g. my gigantic, dominant tomato "tree". This year ....cherry tomatoes in a separate, large pot!) We even have a couple of kids involved! One fabulous neighbour also shares her knowledge and worm farm fertiliser with us!
2. Over the Father's Day weekend I have been fortunate to spend time with family and friends, from a "Dinner Date with Daughters," an overnight stay with them and son-in-law, phone calls to and from family, cards and small gifts. Again, lucky me! BUT, I like to think it is a two way street. In order to "spend more time with people" I need to play my part as a friend, neighbour, grandfather and father. Even a simple phone call, or text, etc. It seems more important than ever at this time.
To digress.. one of my daughters "nags" me about keeping hydrated.
The philosopher Aristotle wrote, "Living being are moist and warm...however old age is dry and cold." Wow! Hope to avoid that last bit!
It is difficult to diagnose "dehydration,' but Levitin tells us, "it is a medical condition, not a thirst. It may be a symptom, as are headaches and nausea."
"Dehydration is Deadly, most commonly in younger children and adults over 70. It is wise for all age groups to avoid dehydration." So, what do we do about keeping hydrated AT ALL AGES, PARTICULARLY YOUNG AND OLD? It is more than simply drinking water often, which is important. To maintain hydration, among other recommendations he advises limited alcohol intake or drink one medium glass of water for every "drink." And I guess those rehydration drinks after exercise are important! For more measures, consult his book, "The Changing Mind."
HAPPY FATHERS DAY!(Probably over by the time you read this!)
K.
Blog 13: Get your heart rate going... preferably in nature!
We humans are not meant to be sedentary. We evolved in an environment that required us to explore the environment. Without this stimulation the brain ceases to function at its full potential."(The Changing mind, Chapter 10). I know much is said and done about the great benefits of regular exercise, but how and why? Before referring to "The Changing Mind", every day I am aware of joggers, walkers cyclist, scooters, swimmers, sports, fitness club members and so on. All well and good, but Levitin tells us that yes, exercise is good but for two reasons:
1. OBVIOUS: IT OXYGENATES THE BLOOD.
2.NON OBVIOUS: OUR BRAINS DON'T DO WELL WHEN NOT CHALLENGED TO PROBLEM SOLVE.
1."Every step on a treadmill gets blood flowing, but doesn't help to keep navigation and memory systems honed. BUT... 2."Every step on an UNPAVED TRAIL in a park or wilderness requires microadjustments to foot pressure, angle and pace, simulating the brain and enhancing MEMORY."
As an "older" person this resonates with me, and surely it must be vital to all ages. Read the book for much more on this subject but let me quote the following:
"THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT CORRELATE OF VIBRANT MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH IS PHYSICAL ACTIVITY. (Time for a break and a brisk walk on the unpaved segments of Sydney Park!)
Again, as someone dealing with life as an older widower, I keep reminding myself how lucky I am to be so well supported and in "good" mental and physical health, but challenges must be met and dealt with! I hope these "Blogs" give people food for thought and action. Some of my more recent "thoughts and action" are to look for and act upon the ADVANTAGES of AGEING, like wisdom, the bias towards positivity, compassion, and if you are much younger than me, understand what RESILIENCE IS AND USE IT, and seek support and help if you need it....from parents, friends, doctors, whoever! Nobody is an Island. Also, reach out to others you think need help..a tough one, but we all need each other!
To quote Dylan Thomas, "DO NOT GO GENTLY INTO THE NIGHT." And don't forget to laugh, whatever goes on around you!
K.
Blog 12: Look Forward. Don't Look back.
Quite a challenge these days! We are all making daily decisions, hugely influenced by the pandemic and the future is very uncertain for many. Not so for the very few, like a friend of mine, whose job is not threatened at this stage. The "problem" will be overcome. I worry that in the meantime too many us are not being given enough help with their economic, social, physical and mental health and personal decisions. e.g. look at the number of people of all ages who are wasting government "assistance" for very short term gains. For example, using drawdowns on superannuation, buying short term "fixes", such as expensive clothing and alcohol.... understandable emotional reactions, but at what cost! Those of us who are better equipped to deal with these decisions should be helping those not so lucky.
Levitin says," Reminiscing doesn't promote health." Read the book to understand this more, but of course we "reminisce!" He also says Emotion and motivation change with age. We are all flawed. Throughout the course of our lives we will likely do things that are both wise and unwise. Of course we are, and we are likely to do them! From my perspective, reminiscing involves thoughts about actions and memories we reflect on from poor to wonderful ones, some of which might have arisen from own decisions and actions . I agree that wisdom means( at any age!) that as they arise in our thoughts, we should take the joy from the joyful ones and do our best to learn from our mistakes "and not repeat them!
Now, back to "Rejuvenating Your Brain"
3.Exercise. Get your heart rate going. Preferably in nature! More about that next time.
Ken.
Blog 11: A quote from "The Good Weekend".
In Australia, there are four key lifestyle behaviours, physical inactivity, poor diet, smoking and excessive alcohol consumption-that can lead to the conditions responsible for ninety percent of preventable deaths.
No apologies for this sombre message, especially during this world of "Homo Covidicus". (Thank you Waleed Ali). In my humble opinion, any one of these behaviours can be dealt with at any time but obviously the sooner the better. After (too?) many years of enjoying the odd drink or three,( but rarely to excess) I am currently "cutting back," to almost zero. Care to join me? I will publish my progress via these BLOGS. To begin, one glass of wine two weeks ago and one beer last night(13/8/2020).
Now, I realise and make no apologies that my primary reference for these contributions is "The Changing Mind" by Daniel Levitin. Why? Because it is loaded with sound advice that alleviates the fears of "aging" , not just "getting old", but throughout our whole life! And it scientifically based! And for me it is a fascinating story of how the brain ages, and just how rewarding our later years can be. Believe it or not, we "seniors" have much to offer! AND.... It applies to all ages!
Levitin lists 10 "key'' pointers towards "rejuvenating your brain.' (and who doesn't want that?) I'll deal with a couple each time.
1. Don't retire. Don't stop being engaged with meaningful work.
He is saying;" With exceptions, for most of us, the best advice is, don't stop working. Sigmund Freud said the two most important things in life " are healthy relationships and meaningful work. "
From my experience and observation, meaningful work is personal and varied, from business to hobbies,etc.!! We are living longer so keeping healthy and engaged in work, out of economic necessity or otherwise, seems pretty important!
2. Look forward. Don't look back.
Love this one. We have more time to 'Reflect "... But Levitin says reminiscing doesn't promote health. More about this next time.
Ken.
Blog 10: "Tis now the winter of our discontent."
Apologies to W.S! However, as our golden winter wattle blooms and spring is near, with all its wonder and better weather, hopefully, we are beginning to gain ground in the pandemic war which is challenging us all every day. Our leaders encourage us to be "resilient" as the battle continues.
I told my daughter once that, "We all approach life from our own perspective." At this time we have a common enemy, with a huge range and variety of resilience ammunition and obstacles, from poverty to wealth, relationships, physical and mental health, age groups, religion, fear, anger, optimism, pessimism..the list goes on, and when it's over nobody knows!
I suggest that for starters we seize every moment of safety, good sense and joy, seek help, give help and OBEY THE RULES!
Obviously resilience or "springing back" from the stress and problems of this pandemic, apart from everyday problems, is tough. Daniel Levitin suggests that "Reducing stress and increasing resilience, the ability to bounce back from adversity, (apart from or as well as specialised psychotherapy in some cases), can be achieved by strengthening social networks, physical exercise and meaningful and purposeful activities. But that can take some effort." Well worth it, I suggest!
As a widower... living "alone" but not really "lonely" (but something to be aware of and deal with if necessary) I find challenges every day which obviously change with age, but I am certainly very aware of the importance of resilience. I have much to be thankful for. However the more I miss the freedom to be in REAL contact with friends and loved ones at this time, the more I feel so concerned for people with REAL problems at this time! I'm also learning to appreciate the "joy" of solitude, even if it means "binge-watching TV" OCCASIONALLY! I never anticipated this, but for what it's worth, there is JOY in writing these blogs. I hope they have some value to others.
Ken.
Blog 9: Optimism during a pandemic
Enjoyed a good dose of optimism yesterday, despite COVID 19! Brunch with a daughter at an "iconic" cafe at the south end of Coogee beach. Amazing sunny winter's day; sparkling ocean view, everyone obeying the rules! Lucky us! Love my country!
I was born towards the end of the 'Great Depression", and had the good fortune to not fight in any wars or deal with pandemics.
I guess I have had a lucky run. Sure have ! My crisees and triumphs have been at least average and mine to own, deal with and reflect on! UNTIL THIS ONE! I guess we just have to look after ourselves and each other as best we can, AND OBEY THE RULES! My heart goes out to all who are far more badly affected than I. I have mentioned that I will go back to help at "The Loaves And Fishes" Church based free "restaurant". EVEN THAT IS CLOSED! I'll keep searching!
SOMETHING MORE FROM " THE CHANGING MIND" about well-being and happiness.
"Some older adults tend to be sad and depressed, but as a group, they are happier than young people. Happiness tends to decrease, beginning in the late thirties (midlife crisis anyone?) and then begins to increase sharply after age fifty four. This holds true across seventy two countries, from Albania to Zimbabwe."
I THINK THAT INCLUDES US! And by the way, research indicates that Americans are slipping down the "Happiness Ladder". Who'd have thought!
Anyway, an "impromptu " poem from Spike Milligan (What? Did you say" Who's he?")
My name is Fred Fenackerback
I walk around the town,
Sometimes with my trousers up,
Sometimes with them down.
And when they're up they're up,
And when they're down... I get arrested.
Time for a power nap!
Ken.
Blog 8: "We are living Longer"... Well most of us!
Before I deal with this, let me recommend today's Facebook account of the old man, a lady, the "cop", and the cafe manager. "Empathy!"
Yes, apparently our average life span continues to increase and "lifestyle" patterns and habits change accordingly. Great news? Well yes, but obviously also challenging !
Too many general questions to deal with in one article, but let me quote an extract from "The Changing Mind", following a 75 year American study on health and happiness, begun in 1938, tracking 268 male Harvard students and 456 controls from Boston. (One of the study members was President John F. Kennedy.) The current leader of the study summarized the findings this way:
“The clearest message we get from this 75 year study is this: good relationships keep us happy and healthier, period...social connections are really good for us...loneliness kills. People who are more socially connected to family, friends and community, are happier, healthier and they live longer. And loneliness turns out to be toxic...High conflict marriages without affection are very bad for our health--worse than getting divorced. Asked what he learned after 30 years of studying the cohort, George Vaillant, who directed the study for three decades, was clear:"That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people."
"At age eighty-five, one man in the study described the pleasure of his 30 years long second marriage as, " really just being together. Share each other's lives and our children's lives. Snuggle on cold nights." Amen to that one! Last quote today: "People who divorce are not, as a group, malcontents who can't work things out. Marriages fail for a variety of reasons, and often the simplest explanation is the most accurate. The couple were mismatched and didn't realise it until later."
Last for today. A walk in the park yesterday where a clear sign says, "Groups of no more than TWO!". Well, that DID NOT HAPPEN! A tiny minority followed the DIRECTIVE and I saw only two masks (not compulsory, but hey!), mine and another. LET'S COOPERATE AND BEAT this thing!
Ken.
Blog 7: Laughing, learning and loving
"Never Stop Laughing, Never Stop Learning, Never Stop Loving!"
Stay connected whether you're young, middle aged or older!
I just finished a "Zoom" session with my Art Group Friends thanks to my granddaughter skills. There we were, an art group "connecting" 100+ kilometres from home!
I joined this group of ten regulars and an "Art Therapist" after losing Merle. I had been active with my former group (still great friends!) for quite a few years. Many were accomplished artists. I wasn't, but have improved over time. The second group is different but just as rewarding... A new group of fellow "artists" of various levels, staying "connected". For some years I have had fun sessions with my stepson and his sister and they continue to draw and/or paint with or without me.
I had the option of an earlier lift back to Sydney this week but decided to stay for three more days in the country, on my daughter's farm. Dodging Covid 19? Partly, but most of all, enjoying family time and country air! Lucky me once again.
We all appreciate the value of a good exercise. Check out mine yesterday: Five thousand plus "steps" according to iPhone "health data", country air, mixed terrain, stunning views, golden winter wattle, two alpacas staring me down, two kangaroos testing our fence line, bird life from tiny wrens to kookaburras, four horses and the family cat!
Apparently, any "creative "pursuits (sport, cooking, art, music, volunteering, gardening,...whatever!) are really good for our mental and physical wellbeing... all of our life!
By the way, we are living longer.
Ken.
Blog 6: Ageing well
A joke from "The Changing Mind" about senior moments:
Two senior couples dining out together.
The guys are chatting. Bob says,"Hey Fred, you must try a fab restaurant we found recently."
"Yeah what's its name?"
"Ah. What's a flower that is very popular and has thorns?"
"A Rose?"
"Yep. That's it," says Bob. "Hey Rose what's the name of that fab restaurant?'
Another quote from The Changing Mind, "Growing old may be the only event in life that may be both desired and feared."
We all have our own version of this. Mine is as follows: I have travelled a very busy, challenging, rewarding, frustrating, sad, joyful road, laced with successes, failures and hopefully enough "resilience" to learn and "move on!" (Most of the time). Now I suppose I desire "to relax (but not be complacent!) and enjoy the last furlong".
I suppose we fear it because among other challenges like "what's next if anything?"
Our days are numbered, our health and vigour are threatened, we lose partners and family perhaps and so on! Thankfully, Levitin says, older people are less likely to dwell on negative thoughts! Phew! We have more time alone but less time ahead of us! Our long term memory tends to stay with us more than our use of short term memory: "Why did I enter this room? Where did I put my glasses?".
For what it's worth, by a "balance " of good luck and good management, I am doing reasonably well. Also. t risk of repetition, I have the "luxuries of loving, fabulous family and friends and "relos". Merle and I even managed to enjoy our "blended" family (with a hiccup or two).
Final thought, for this edition. I just read an article in "The Good Weekend "about a 37 year old, Hugh Evans, young "Aussie Of the year" a few years ago about his incredible campaign to end world poverty! How inspiring! I think I'll go back to Merle's and my weekly help at "The Loaves and Fishes!", a "free"restaurant" for needy people run by the Reverend Bill Cruise.
Ken.
Blog 5: Curiosity
Ah, curiosity. The desire to find out more and know things.
"When people retire, they tend to turn in on themselves", says Daniel Levitin.
My personal experience reflects that, but thankfully not too much. It certainly can lead to depression and increased "loneliness."
The more I write this blog, the more I pause to "find out about things". For example, solving the tricky problem of loneliness and how to continue my life along its shortening path without wasting time.
Even the simple daily experience of waking and getting started! Like most of us, I have a simple regular starting routine.
"Tea, Toast and Tablets!"
I continue my regular contact and relationships with friends and family, helping others, maintaining "good health", running my own household, gardening, painting, and dealing with the current covid-19 crisis. Essentially, continuing my life as best I can, without wasting time.
I have no particular "bucket List". It has largely been catered for. I would like to "understand spirituality" more, but have no desire to "find God".
I really have no excuse to feel lonely. I enjoy the blessings of family, friends, even a nice new "relationship" and financial comfort.
Financial comfort? I enjoy this blessing because..
1. As a teacher, compulsory superannuation was automatically deducted from my salary from my first day of "permanency!". Female teachers began their career in a similar fashion, but many lost permanency when they stopped to have children. They were "offered" the option to reapply if they returned to full time employment. This system no longer exists.
2. I "invested" in my own home A.S.A.P., sold it when teaching in Papua New Guinea, but swiftly bought again on my return and have never paid rent. Why? My fabulous working class parents never owned their own home, but they "taught me" the importance of financial security.
3. In "retirement" and remarried, we were short of funds, so for four years we operated a cleaning franchise and I learned to trade stocks and futures.
We finally "retired" when Merle inherited her family home... I am so pleased that she was able to enjoy some years of retirement, overseas holidays and becoming a grandmother. I seem to have digressed from the topic, but I intend to continue "to find out more and know things!"
Ken.
Blog 4: Let's take a look at healthy practices, including the importance of association
My kids have been amused but not too critical, and mostly supportive of my mild obsession with health practices, possibly triggered by a heart attack and double bypass at age sixty. Superb attention to the problem by all concerned shamed me into acting on professional advice .... dealing with some genetic problems like high cholesterol and elevated blood pressure, improving my diet. Okay, yes I did respond with the occasional FAD diet, and cooking my granddaughters bran muffins, regular exercise (thank heavens for almost too much sport in my youth and middle age) controlling my weight, giving my liver a break by
avoiding regular excessive alcohol (big challenge in the land of Oz!) and working with my health team, GP, cardiologist, dentist, etc.
Much of this was neglected during my beautiful wife's illness, even the regular free checkup visits to the dentist. My wake-up call was a very painful abscess , months of expensive implants, bridges, other repairs and very stern advice about ongoing management! My foggy vision was corrected with wonderful cataract surgery and my poor hearing was improved with hearing aids, though not cured... ask my family.
We have a world class medical system here in Australia, both mental and physical, so use it, act on professional advice, and be proactive. Your GP is the gatekeeper!
Now, a lighter but important story about "association". Today I celebrated the ninetieth birthday of a long term friend and travel buddy of both my late wife Merle and myself. She lost her partner about fifteen years ago. Her main source of "association" with the world is her local bridge club. She continued to enjoy her winning ways and until recently, travelled and displayed her amazing skill. She is still an active member and was also a skilful regular member of our art group for many years. She loves to
call our group of close friends "The Chums". Merle had been close friends with them all in their early married lives, but lost contact for thirty years or more. During a chat with a new neighbour about twenty years ago, he mentioned the name of his art group leader. Merle was flabbergasted... One of "The Chums!" They came together once more for another twenty odd years and I became a warmly accepted member. I am also so pleased to belong to a local Seniors Art Group (as much a monthly fun time of two blokes and eight women, with a fabulous art therapy convener and leader.) Drawing and painting can start at any age. Believe me! I started in my sixties. We are enjoying online Zoom sessions during Covid-19. Check out your local council. We are not the only one.
I continue to gain insight from wherever I can, so once more, some wisdom from Daniel Levin for parents to ponder: "There has been an increase in the number of children diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders over the past twenty years, and there are probably cultural factors at work. Consider the difference between a typical Mexican childhood and an American one. Mexican culture encourages social interaction, family time and group activities. American children are often allowed to play with tablets, phones and other electronic devices on their own. Rates of autism among children raised in Mexico, as well as Hispanic and Latino children raised in the United States, are significantly lower than they are for white children."
Ken.
Blog 3: Grief and loneliness
While I was fortunate to be supported, it - loneliness - still happened.
After all, I had not been without a partner for some 50 years. Some people actually enjoy being alone without feeling lonely, but not the majority, including yours truly. Also, increasingly we all feel that we are on our own, probably more so as we age. We are a social species. We enjoy being with others. I enjoy being with others.
My friend's first guidance was to give me two short but rather "spiritual" books to read. He wasn't sure if or how they helped him, nor was I, except to pause and follow its calming theme of patience. Also, according to that book, "The Changing Mind", people with some form of spirituality, religious or otherwise, tend to live longer.
My mate's other advice was to, "Get among people!..in a shopping mall, in the local park, at the beach...wherever." A stroll around my neighbourhood, with its small parks, heritage cottages, apartment blocks and of course, the wonders of Newtown's main street.
My favourite is an almost daily exercise walk or stroll through Sydney Park...joggers, families, dogs, fresh air, natural bushland, kids' playground, cafe, community veggie garden, photo opportunities leading to my hobby: drawing and painting (see evidence in the photo below), and connecting with family and friends in a mild way through Facebook and texts, with or without photos or drawings.
Both of those walks - Newtown's main street and Sydney Park - had been favourites with my lovely wife also, hence some mixed feelings at first!
After some weeks I returned to my weekly drawing group, members of which include some long term friends, "Great to see you back..Good on you!". Then I returned to my monthly brunch at Sydney Fish Markets with long term mates, before gradually reconnecting with friends and family and neighbours... not immediately, but gradually over some time, about two years. More of what happened "next" in future posts.
Let's pause for a bit and let me leave you for now with some wisdom from "The Changing Mind".
"The five lifestyle choices that have the biggest impact on the rest of our lives are: Curiosity, Openness, Association, Conscientiousness, and Health Practices." More comments about these later.
"Loneliness is associated with early mortality. It can double the likeliness of Alzheimer's Disease. It is worse for your health than smoking fifteen cigarettes a day."
"Life's most fundamental domains are: Belonging, Love, and Attachment."
More on that next time,
Ken.
Blog 2: The weeks towards becoming a widower
After five years in remission, in her mid seventies, my wife's breast cancer returned.
She could not tolerate chemotherapy. Radiation helped somewhat, but after weeks of unsuccessful treatment her palliative care began. Even this was delayed when she fell, hit her head and suffered a subdural haematoma, requiring surgery!
For almost a year, with support from family and friends when they were willing and able, her son and I shared the daily routine of hospital visits, consultations, and brief periods at home, which became too difficult as her condition deteriorated. We were finally given the choice, "quality or quantity." We chose quality, implying less time for her but better pain relief!
I am forever grateful to her medical team, from our marvelous local GP and staff, the oncology staff at R.P.A.,"The Lifehouse", palliative care specialists and nursing staff there and St. Vincents and Wolper Private Hospitals, district nurses and ambulance staff.
At one stage a doctor asked if she would like to go home. She said yes but I probably should have said no. I'm not good at saying no. She was too weak and my strength was sorely tested when helping her. My daughter stayed at weekends to help me. On my 81st birthday some of the children and a close friend stayed with her while I "enjoyed" a birthday lunch. They expressed some concern that she was quite pale and very drowsy. Around midnight, after they had left, I could not wake her, so I called 000, an ambulance arrived and I was told she was in a coma, and I should inform the family. Midnight texts and high tension ensued.
She was treated for high levels of calcium in her bloodstream and was revived. She was finally admitted to Wolper, a private hospital with a palliative care facility. She came home again for a short period on the advice of the doctor; a wrong move again on reflection. This time we set up the lounge room as a hospital room, visited by district nurses and our G.P.
My GP used his day off to check her, saw evidence of raised calcium levels and she was returned to Wolper via St Vincents Hospital under the care of an eminent palliative care specialist. For the final weeks she had the absolute best if care. For me it was long daily trips and all day visits to the hospital. It is worth mentioning here that my Teachers Health fund covered all hospital accommodation and almost all treatment and medication. They were extraordinary.
I am forever grateful that I was holding her hand when she passed in April, 2016. I wept privately and uncontrollably for the first time, and almost crashed the car driving home that night.
Then back to autopilot, because that's what happens. Funeral arrangements: exceptional help, preparation and participation by everyone in our "blended family."
Following a brief week or two of confusion, and a visit to my G.P. I was given a referral to see a psychologist. This was an excellent move! More on that soon.
Ken.
Blog 1: Why am I writing a blog?
I am an eighty five year old widower who lost my beloved wife to breast cancer five years ago. Shortly after she died, a good friend who had become a widower in his seventies asked how I was coping. My reply, "Not so well!" to which he replied, "From my experience, it took about two years to return to some form of 'normality'."
He was right! With support from my family, friends like him, some counselling through my G.P. and return to contact with my weekly drawing friends, it took about two years. But more about that later!
Also, I recently began reading a book, "The Changing Mind", written by Daniel Levitin, a best selling neuroscientist. Now, while life doesn't follow rules, much of his work resonated with me. He described his parents in their eighties as "engaged in life as they have ever been, immersed in social interaction, spiritual pursuits, hiking and nature. They look old, but feel like the same people they were fifty years ago. They live very full lives."
I'm an "old" widower and I like to think I am well "engaged".
What about "wisdom"? Again to quote Daniel Levitin. "We gain more wisdom as we age, which enables us to deal with some problems more quickly and effectively than the raw power of youth."
All of this does not make me some kind of"guru". Far from it. However, I have a feeling that this could be a powerful way to walk with each other, young, middle aged and older, sharing experiences and helping each other.
Ken.
